365 Days Handmade

Making life a better place, one day at a time


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Day 106/365: Lifers Support Group Day

4.16.2015

I don’t remember if I mentioned this before:  Every Thursday afternoon, I facilitate a support group for inmates who are serving life sentences.  The participants range in age.  The youngest is in his mid-30s, and the oldest is in his late 60s.  If I recall correctly, the minimum amount of time served by an inmate in the group has been fifteen years; the longest has been thirty-two years.

I’ve been running this group for well over a year, and the members have been through a lot with each other.  They conducted mock board hearings in which every week one of the participants was the subject of intense and challenging questions posed by the others who role-played commissioners of the Board of Parole Hearings.  They expected each other to be honest and accountable for their past actions and choices, and they didn’t hesitate to call out somebody if they thought he wasn’t being entirely truthful.

Last week I added a new member to the group, and today was his first day of attendance.  Given the cohesiveness that had developed over the past year among the group members, I wasn’t one bit surprised when, upon my introducing the new member to the rest, one of the other inmates immediately demanded, “Who did you kill?”


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Day 104/365: Last Day of This Mini Vacation

4.14.2015

I’ve been thinking a lot about our recent trip to Minneapolis and why I enjoyed it so much.  One reason was that I got to spend quality time with Sean, who I only see on my three-day weekends because during the week we live 150 miles apart.  (He’s in Ventura while I’m in Morro Bay.)  Another reason was that I got to meet and hang out with my longtime online pal Alisha.  It was so refreshing to bond with a female friend after all the time that I spend working among male inmates and male staff in a men’s prison.

Sean has said to me several times before:  “Working in the prison is changing your view of humanity.”  And it’s true.  When I’m out in the community, I view the world through the lens of someone who has seen the worst in human nature.  When Sean and I were riding on public transit through downtown Minneapolis, I couldn’t help thinking that it would be so easy for someone to jump on the light rail without paying, or deface the clean interior with graffiti, or snatch people’s cell phones out of their hands, or hold a gun to their face and demand their wallet and valuables.  These are the things that I know a person is capable of doing to another person, and I expect it to happen.

In Minneapolis, however, I kept noticing little things that showed me that people can still be inherently good.  On our first day walking through downtown, Sean and I started to cross the street and a taxi driver made a left-hand turn at the intersection and drove across our path.  There was still a lot of room in the crosswalk, so he didn’t exactly cut us off, but he held up a hand and meekly waved in apology.  That is something you will never see in Los Angeles.

Another time, I watched a college student running to catch the light rail before it pulled away from the station.  She quickly held her rail pass against the electronic detector, but in her hurry, the card didn’t scan and the machine beeped an alert.  Rather than keep going and just jumping on the rail, she stopped, turned back, and made sure that her barcode scanned properly, as a conscientious, decent human would do.  I was impressed.

Other things about the city impressed me.  From the airport to our hotel to downtown, we were easily able to get around by foot and public transportation.  If it had snowed heavily, we could have used the skyways to avoid much of the bad weather.  I didn’t see any graffiti or gang tagging on buildings or signs.  I noticed that there were plenty of trash and recycling receptacles around.  Having a chronic dry cough left over from my week with the flu, I was constantly unwrapping cough drops, but I didn’t have to keep the wrappers in my pocket for very long.  Pretty much on every block, I could expect to see a receptacle where I could toss my trash.  I also noticed that there was almost no litter on the ground, everywhere we went.  I’m pretty sure those ubiquitous trash and recycling receptacles had something to do with that.  Minneapolis is a city that takes care of its own.

Tomorrow I go back to work at the prison.  I’m hoping that there will be no crises or difficult patients to deal with, just so I can slowly ease back into that world and hold onto my renewed faith in humanity for a little while longer.


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Day 98/365: My Friday at Work

4.8.215

Between 1100 to 1300, I don’t schedule any appointments with patients.  I usually use that time to eat my lunch and type my progress notes.  I also try to leave my office and go for a walk.

Today was a beautiful day to be outside.  I walked out to the parking lot and on my way to my car, I could see sheep grazing on the hillside across from the prison.  (You can see them, too, if you click on the photo and look closely at the green field to the left of the picture.)  I took this photo while sitting in my car.  I wanted to snap a better photo, but to do so would have required standing in the middle of the parking lot with my cell phone in hand, which would have looked very suspicious and definitely attract the attention of the guard tower.

Anyway, I also wanted a visual reminder of sunny California weather, because in twenty-four hours, I will be in cold (possibly snowy) Minnesota.  We’re leaving Ventura tomorrow morning at 5:30 AM to drive to LAX.  It’s going to be a long day of traveling, but I should have some adventures to share.


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Day 93/365: Friday Morning Cake

4.3.2015

In order to get into the prison, you first have to go through the Gatehouse, where you must show your state employee I.D. to a correctional officer.  If you are bringing any bags or items into the facility, you have to set them down on the counter and the C.O. looks through them and asks you if you are carrying any cell phones, electronics, or other contraband.

Today when I got to work, I walked into the Gatehouse with a woman who was carrying a large bakery box.  She and I set down our lunch bags to be inspected.  She also placed her bakery box on the counter next to her bag.

The C.O. looked through our bags and then turned to her.  “Ma’am,” he said, “could you open the box?”

The woman was a warm, agreeable person who looked exactly like someone who would be bringing baked goods for her co-workers on a Friday morning.  She carefully loosened the lid of the box and lifted it slowly to reveal a round, chocolate-frosted cake.  “Happy Birthday” was piped across the top of the cake in red icing.  It looked yummy.  I suddenly wanted a slice of that cake.

You could tell the C.O. thought the same thing.  And the way he played it off was pretty funny.  He said, deadpan, “I’m going to need to cut it open.”  Like there could be a file baked in that cake.

The woman patted her pockets and said, “Oh, darn!  I don’t have anything to cut it with.”

“That’s okay,” he said.  “I’ll just put my finger in it.”

Then they both laughed, and she put the lid back on the cake.

It was a pleasant way to start a Friday morning going in to work at a prison.


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Day 84/365: The Day I Got Paperwork Done

3.25.2015

As I described in a previous post, every Wednesday morning my colleagues and I meet for Interdisciplinary Treatment Team (IDTT).  Five patients from my caseload were due to attend today’s team.  We were scheduled to start at 9:30 AM.  It was 8:45 AM, and I was still trying to complete my paperwork for the fourth patient.  I hadn’t even gotten to the fifth patient’s treatment plan yet.  I was trying to suppress my panic, but the anxiety was there.

About half an hour later, I stood up to stretch and take a break from my desk.  I wandered over to the break room to chat with my colleague Dr. R, who was standing in front of the copy machine, reading some papers that he’d just retrieved from his mailbox.

“Take a look at this,” he said, handing me an inmate request.  “Looks like I’m going to have to pass it along to custody.”

I quickly scanned the block writing on the page and caught the important words.  “Inmate planning to escape,” “weapons in the cell,” “you need to investigate.”

“Oh, boy,” I said.  We both knew what was coming, once he turned in that note.  “Here we go.”

Dr. R left the office and I could have started a countdown, knowing exactly what would happen next.  Within minutes, the announcement was made on the facility-wide paging system:  “All inmates, recall and lock up.  All inmates, recall and lock up.”  The lieutenant came into our offices to make sure there were no inmates and informed us that an emergency count of the entire facility was being conducted.  I knew from experience that the rest of the morning– and maybe even the rest of the day– was a wash.  We wouldn’t be able to see our patients or have IDTT that morning, but we certainly now had the time to catch up on our paperwork.

I stood at the door to the mental health services building and watched the inmates on the yard heading back to their housing.  It was 9:30 AM.  The universe had just smiled down on me.


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Day 83/365: The Day I Was Mistaken For Another Psych

3.24.2015

Remember when I had the incredibly busy day last week Friday?  There was a point in the day when I went outside to talk to one of the correctional officers on the yard, and I heard an inmate calling, “Dr. C!  Dr. C!”  I knew he was trying to get my attention, and I knew that he thought I was Dr. C.  She and I work in the same building, we both have long dark hair, and we’re about the same height.  I suppose that from a distance, a person could mistake one of us for the other.

It’s one thing when a patient speaks to me in a socially acceptable manner when I encounter him outside of the office; it’s a different story when it comes to inmates yelling at me from across the yard.  My policy is this:  I don’t acknowledge it—and more so when that individual isn’t even yelling the right name.  You have to have good boundaries when you work in a prison, and if you turn your head and look every time an inmate calls out to you on the yard, you are going to develop a certain kind of reputation among all of the inmates who live there.

So I ignored the inmate and went back inside the building and forgot all about it, until I returned to work today and ran into Dr. C this morning.  I told her about the incident and how the inmate was calling her name at me.

“What did you say to him?” Dr. C asked.

“I didn’t see who it was,” I said.  “I just heard the voice calling your name, and I ignored it.  He was probably thinking, That bitch.”

We both laughed.

“I guess I’ll find out soon enough,” Dr. C said.  “I’m sure I’ll get an earful the next time he comes in to see me.”

 


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Day 79/365: A Record-Breaking Day for Urgent Referrals

I don’t drink because I’m allergic to alcohol, and I don’t smoke because I never liked the smell of it.  After the day I had at work, though, I’d be drinking and smoking right now if I could.  Today was a record-breaking day for me.  On top of my regular line of patients to see, I received four different urgent referrals from various staff telling me that I needed to see the inmate today.  Even worse, none of those four inmates lived on the yard where I worked, so I had to call different tier officers on the other yards to arrange for the inmate to come to my office.

In the middle of all this madness, our yard was suddenly recalled because custody received an anonymous note threatening to kill three of our correctional officers.  If the note had specifically mentioned “mental health staff,” I might have been a little more concerned, but what with all the work that suddenly got dumped in my lap, I was more worried about getting everything done by the end of the day so that I wouldn’t be working beyond ten hours.

I would tell you all about those urgent referrals, except I’m tired, it’s finally the start of my weekend, and I have no alcohol or smokes around the house.  I do, however, have a Cadbury Crème Egg and an afghan that I started last night, so I think I am going to get comfortable on the deck and watch the sunset.

3.20.2015


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Day 70/365: Crocheted Afghan Still in Progress

3.11.2015

Every Wednesday morning, my colleagues and I meet for IDTT:  Interdisciplinary Treatment Team.  An IDTT generally consists of a psychiatrist, a couple of psychologists, a social worker, and a correctional counselor.  It’s basically a weekly committee where we review different patients’ treatment plans and meet with the inmate and discuss his treatment plan with him, including progress and goals.

Today one of the scheduled patients was a 23-year-old African American inmate with tattoos all over his face and the slouch and demeanor of a juvenile delinquent.  He was assigned to my colleague Dr. Y’s caseload, and during our meeting with him, he sat with an air of indifference toward the whole process.

Upon the conclusion of our little conference, the kid got up to leave and started heading for the door.  Dr. Y said (as he said to each and all of the inmates who came to IDTT), “Have a good day.”

The kid passed through the doorway and, to our surprise (and immense amusement), he casually tossed back, in a manner that he might reserve for wrapping up a phone call with his granny, “Love you, too.”


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Day 65/365: Counting Down to the Time Change

Over these last few months, I’ve been staying late at work and typically leaving the prison between 5:30 to 6 PM.  Normally I have no problem being inside a prison, unlike Sean who absolutely does not enjoy the idea of being locked inside a penitentiary surrounded by electric fencing, barbed wire, and gun towers with armed guards.  But when it’s 5:30 PM in late November and outside of my office it’s like night time and I have to navigate my way through a prison yard where inmates are freely walking to the chow hall– I become acutely aware of my environment and the fact that I am a petite woman walking outnumbered among convicted felons who are potentially violent.  It is a downright creepy, nervous-making feeling.

Now that it’s March, the days have started to stretch out longer so that it’s still bright outside when I leave my office, and I’m easily spotted by the correctional officers as I make my way through the facility.  It’s also nice to get home and still have enough natural light to take a photo for the day’s blog post and show you a little bit of our view from the deck.

3.6.2015

Ahh, fresh air and the ocean. Such a contrast to the work environment.

 

 


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Day 61/365: Working in Prison Has Ruined Movies for Me

3.2.2015

Sean and I were hanging out in the living room after dinner.  “I’m going to put on a Netflix movie,” he said.  “Do you have any preferences?”

“Not really,” I said.  I was knitting and wouldn’t be looking at the TV screen anyway.

He chose a movie called The History of Future Folk.  It had something to do with a guy who was an alien and landed on Earth with a mission to wipe out the human race, but then he heard music for the first time and changed his mind about obliterating the population.  I guess he decided to stay on Earth and met a woman, and they had a child, and somewhere in between he learned to play the banjo and played what were apparently popular nightly sets at a New York bar.

I sat there knitting my sock while the movie played out, and I didn’t make any comments or really start paying attention until there was a scene that involved the main characters going to jail.

I looked up at that point and stopped knitting.  I noticed something about all of the men who were supposedly arrested and were now incarcerated in the jail.

“None of them have tattoos!” I said.  “That’s so unrealistic.  That wouldn’t happen in real life.”

Really?” Sean said.  “That’s the part of this movie that you’re going to find unrealistic?”